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Friday, November 6, 2009

Finding The Balance Between Your Children And Your Husband

If you are married and have children the question probably has ran across your mind more than once or twice. How do I find the balance between my husband and my children? If you are a working or stay at home mom the challenges and frustrations of home and raising your family is always there. There are just not enough hours in the day to accomplish everything. The fact of the matter is, even if we had more time in the day there still would not be enough time because we would just fill it with doing something else. So what do I do?

There are just so many things that a woman, wife, and mother are responsible for. We think the main and most important is taking care of our children in fact we would jump off a bridge for them and this is an important role but the main role is making sure that your husband is taken are of. The marriage was the first thing that God ordained long before Adam and Eve had children. They were alone just the two of them and GOD. We were given to be a help meet to our husbands which in turns makes us the home makers. So the question still is what do I do?

You have been to work all day too or have been at home dealing with the children all the issues, Dr appointments, homework, laundry and the list goes on and on and on top of that you have to have dinner ready for him when he comes and you are exhausted and the last thing you want to do is be bothered with him even remotely asking or suggesting being intimate. Yea right. Lots of time you or he are either asleep before the other comes to bed. You rarely have time to talk because when you both get home you are still busy doing things and stuff. Your husband might sit down in front of the TV, watch sports, play video games and that’s the most of it and then tomorrow it’s the same thing all over again. Sooner or later you’ll wake up and it’s a year two three or five years later and you all are drifting apart because you have not taken the time to invest in each other.

A marriage like everything else is work. It is the most rewarding thing outside of having children. The Bible says it was not good for man to be alone that’s why he created the woman. And with that there was fulfillment. Remember you took those vows in good times and in bad times till death do you part. A lot of times we overlook those vows which causes divorce, adultery and rift in the family. If the parents are not happy the children can’t be happy. And the children wind up paying the price for it. Adultery is interesting why because you go outside your marriage seeking what you should be getting from your marriage. This also causes tension and arguments and soon you are at each other throats. Where is the love that you had that caused you to get married in the first place? What happened to the dates, the wooing, the surprises, the trips etc. does that all disappear just because you have kids now? Certainly not, well it should not but it happens. The parents are the basis of the family besides God. If they are at odds in the home there cannot be peace.

Love is an action a verb. How do we know someone loves us if they don’t show it? This happens in marriage when we just become use to each other. We become complacent and expect the other one knows how we feel. It has to be time spent, actions. You know that phrase actions speak louder than words.

We have to learn to become interested in what our spouses are interested in likewise it has to be that on both sides. Just one idea to spend time together. Build anticipation and enthusiasm. There are countless forms of communication these days. Send them a text an e-mail or something just saying I’m thinking about you etc. Get back to the dating of your mate. We did not date to marry we married to date. Go to the movies, out to dinner make that once or twice a month date night. Make a schedule if you have to so you can be intimate. You need this. Go away for a weekend just you two. Get a baby sitter for them kids. There is nothing wrong with that. There are millions of ways to spend that time together without spending money. After you put the kids to bed curl up on the sofa together and watch a movie. Sacrifice that sleep for the sake of your marriage. Schedule it, schedule it, schedule it, if you have to. I can’t stress enough you have to make time for each other. It’s sad to say a lot of times if you won’t somebody else will. You have to make time in your day like you make time for everything else like your job, talking on the phone or doing something for yourself. Now I know there are some jobs you have to bring your work home sometimes. Not all the time. Leave the work at work. Home is suppose to be your peace. Your place of comfort.

This is not to say we ignore our kids or give any thing less to them because we are there first form of learning and we are helping to mold and shape them to be productive people in society. They need our attention our ears to listen to them our support with things they are going though. They need us. But your spouse needs you to. They also learn from us as to how they should in turn treat there spouses when they grow up by watching our example. The question is what example are you being? Will they learn to be loving or abusive mentally and physically? What type of person will they choose to be with from there examples YOU.

There can be balance for everything. You have to make it work for you. You can’t sit back and say what the other person is or is not doing. You have to do your part. Remember that which you invest in you value more.


  1. Absolutely! We are attempting dates more. Even more family time because often he has his things, I'm at home with the baby - well, toddler - and we just go running our own separate things and never make time for each other. Recently, we started to create more time for each other though and it's made all the difference. As a part of this agreement, I've started to unplug more while at home and instead use that attention, energy, and time into my family. Our daughter has a set bedtime and I'm a stickler for a rigid routine. She's happier and so are we, because once she's down we have time to talk and reconnect. We're a work in progress though.

  2. This is a great post! It is definetely a challenge to make alone-time a priority after children, but it is very possible! I put my son to bed early so my husband and I have our evenings together. Sure I have to wake up earlier, but its so worth it.

    Found you from MBC Christian Mommies group and am a new follower =)

    Madison {www.LifeHappensDuringNaptime.com}

  3. Wonderful post! I try to have more time with my husband but it can be a hard thing to plan.

    Found you through MBC Chirstian Moms group and now following you!

  4. I cannot believe, how I found what I needed, I have been in the boredom of a 25 year marriage, the kids are grown. This is such a message to me. You definetely sent me a word of encouragement, to keep working on it. So glad I found you from MBC.

  5. Hi! I'm visiting from MBC. Great blog.

  6. Hi! Love your blog.. Following you from MBC. :)