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Saturday, November 14, 2009

What Is A Successful Marriage?

What is a successful marriage? Marriage defined by Merriam Webster is the state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband and wife in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law. In Malachi it says that it is a holy covenant before God.

A successful marriage is defined by what each individual couple’s perspective is on this. It could be any level of things from the mutual respect, intimacy, no one leaving the other, still living in the same house, not divorced or whatever it may be. How do you define this?

One of the first things you have to look at or ask yourself is why did I or why do you get married? Do you get married for physical pleasures, selfish reasons to be one with the other person, because you are lonely, you were forced to, your biological clock was ticking, for the sake of the kids, what is it or was it? A lot of people get married for a lot of different reasons and motives and a lot of time they are not the right reasons. A lot of people go into this seeking a way out. If he/she wrongs me I can just get out. That’s why it is important to know the person that you are marrying before you go into it and to go into it for the long haul. Most vows include the phrase in good times and in bad times, in sickness and in health until death do us part. That’s why it’s important to seek Godly counseling and not just say I’m going into this because of feelings, because feelings are fickle and they tend to change.

Some say they have changed meaning the person once we got married. Well everyone does. Are you the same person that you were five, ten even fifteen years ago? During this time life happens and you either roll with the punches or get swallowed up by life’s trials, tribulations, circumstances and situations. This in turn can effect, affect or infect your marriage.

We have to know our roles in marriage. The bible told the men dwell with them according to knowledge and to love your wife as Christ loved the Church. He told the women to Reverence meaning respect your husbands. Now why did he just not tell both parties to do this equally towards one another, because God knew that each party needed something different to sustain them. He knew to men, Love is viewed as respect and one of the worse things you can do is disrespect a man and make him feel like he is worthless or nothing. To a woman, we are emotional and we need to be showed loved and have that time spent with us. The man needs to give his all for us. Be willing to die for his family. These things may seem simple to some or hard to others and can be attained the more you strengthen your own personal relationship with Jesus Christ. NO marriage goes without problems, trials, tribulations and issues. It all depends on how you deal with those issues when they arise. Marriage is oneness and a whole lot of work. You have to look at your communication, love, respect, care, trust and support of one another. Are you helping each other to grow or are you hindering that person’s growth? Are you supportive with there dreams, are you sensitive to there needs.

Women we were made to be help meets for our husbands. They were put on the earth first. God said it is not good for man to be alone and I will make him a help meet. We were made to come along side and support him. Be there help meet. Not to usurp there authority or try to take there roles. Even tho the word says we will have a desire to since that was one of the curses and we are sometimes left to take on those roles. You may have or think you have a successful marriage and that is great. I would liken a marriage to a fruit tree. What kind of fruit is your tree yielding? Is it good or bad? Do you verbally, mentally or physically abuse the other or are being abused? Now we can be angry but the Word says sin not. Do you love unconditionally your spouse? Or is it on a conditional basis and what you are benefiting from the relationship or the lack there of. You may say well I have been married 10, 20 even 30 years that has to be successful. Is your marriage flourishing? Are you growing? Do you love them like the first day you met? Are you happy, or are you just existing? Is this success?

Success defined is a favorable or desired outcome. There are two major reasons why people split, romance and finance. Some say they are splitting because of irreconcilable differences. What is that. Ok you have grown apart over the years. Why because of life. You spend majority of your time taking care of your children, going to work and your own personal activities or hobbies. Where is the time for your mate? Or maybe you are home centered and trying to do all of these things. Do you all talk, do you make the time to go out, spend any time together? Has your marriage become one sided? Have you become selfish and it has become all about you when you all are one. Could this be contributing to your problems? Now a marriage does take two people. The responsibility of making it work does not solely rely on one person. Both parties have to be willing and contributing to making this work. Sometimes we are doing our part and people are taking advantage of us but hang in there, don’t give up. Pray about it. It’s easy to become complacent which a lot of times happens to all of us, and a lot of times we say oh well if they’re not thinking about it then neither am I. We have to make sure we don’t find ourselves putting not putting our best feet forward.

You are always getting to know the other person the same way we are always growing as individuals, things are constantly changing. You make your marriage what you want it to be. A successful marriage….do you have one, are you working towards one, to me it’s a work in progress.


  1. Great post, makes you think about what your part is in a successful marriage - what you need to be doing or NOT doing to make it successful.

    Following from MBC, stop by JoyMadeFull sometime - http://joymadefull.blogspot.com

  2. Great thoughts on successful marriage. It's only divinely possible, but it so reflects God's nature and gives Him glory! Nice to visit you from Mom Bloggers Club. Stop by www.comehaveapeace.blogspot.com.
    - Julie

  3. Great post! I think it is definitely a work in progress! Following you now from MBC.


  4. Great post! My husband and I just did a Fireproofing your marriage workshop at church! Loved it!


  5. Hi Andrea: what a nice post, some really good advice here. I think I wouldn't have ended up as a divorced single mom if I had seen that my ex and I had had 2 different reasons for marriage.

  6. Hi Andrea!
    I found your blog on the MBC and loved this post! My parents have been married for 32 years and the best advice she gave me was that it takes 200% effort to make it work. She said that both people should give 100% everyday but that if your spouse is having an off day, you just might have to contribute 120% that day. Marriage is work but it is SOOOO worth it!
    Looking forward to reading more from you,

  7. What Beautiful children! This is Tee following
    from the MBC! You can follow me here:


  8. great post! Following you from MBC, hope to see you at http://www.luvsjurn3.blogspot.com soon!

  9. Hey - I just found you over at Mom Bloggers Club!!! Great post!! I was on the Rachael Ray Show on November 6 of this month on this very topic - marriage and making it work. I got attacked by so many for saying that I desire to please my husband. I couldn't mention my faith on the show so I know it confused a lot of women and made them "angry."

    Anyway, good to meet you!
    Stop by sometime at: http://www.womenlivingwell-courtney.blogspot.com


  10. I needed this again, after 25 year marriage, I needed to read this great advice!!!

  11. very thoughtful post..

    i have to agree mostly..

    visiting via MBC...Following through google friend connect...hope you will return the favor..

    if you want to network more..let me know..

  12. Great post! Your kids are ADORABLE!!! Keep it up mommy!!

  13. Very nice post! Adorable kiddos. New follower from MBC - come by and visit me!


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